Feeling like you should be given more time and care during your pregnancy? You're not alone

Time and time again I come across a shared experience when it comes to pregnancy - one that I've experienced myself. Some clients find it hard to admit or say out loud, but it comes out in the end. 

Walk through it with me. 

You find out you are pregnant and experience all the feelings that go with that (whatever they are for you). You have a weird and anxious period of waiting until your first appointment with a real midwife - wondering why nobody has asked you for proof of your pregnancy yet. The date comes around - the 'start' of your journey to meet your baby. The session is pretty functional and not a lot goes on. You've set another date to go back - and on goes the same pattern. A lot of us are left wondering...when's the song and dance going to come? When is the celebratory cannon fired? When will I get a good sit down with a caring motherly figure from a health institution to talk about how I'm experiencing being pregnant - about how I'm feeling about preparing for a baby and all the ins and outs that are involved for me and my family?

Everyone has a different experience of the maternity system and everyone's needs are different. But what I keep finding is clients left with a sense of anti-climax. Of not feeling like they're getting the space and validation for what a huge life changing experience creating a human has created for them. Most of us look for it in the ritual of working our way through the maternity care we receive, and can be disappointed that it's not where we find it. 

Ultimately our healthcare providers are there to look after our health and to a lesser extent our wellbeing. To ensure that we are well and that the lives that we are creating are also well. They help us to manage risks to ensure positive outcomes. Part of this is our mental wellbeing and our safety in the environments - ensuring that we are safeguarded. I think a lot of us are out there looking for more than this at a time when we're on the precipice of our lives being turned upside-down in ways we can't yet comprehend. 

In all honesty, we can feel guilty about this. Self indulgent even. Well, if my health is being looked after and my baby is alright then how I dare I want more space and attention? 

If this is you I'd like to remind you - you are making a new human life for the world. Expect more. And then expect more again. You deserve it. 

As a hypnobirthing teacher I want to try to take away ANY shame or negative feels you may have about needing more celebratory cannons, warm hugs and the awe of stranges. I believe it's totally normal and you really are not alone.

I would argue that the maternity system is the wrong place to look to fulfill all of this need for support. I find that when clients come to hypnobirthing classes they finally find that opportunity to give their pregnancy time and space to be recognised as the monumental event that is should be in their lives. That they can spend time talking about themselves, how they feel, what they need and what is important to them - as well as for their birth partner (who are often feeling all of the above plus some as they hardly get a word in!). It also helps provide space in busy lives to enjoy their pregnancy! 

There are so many ways that you can meet this need for yourself. 

• Attend birth preparation classes - hypnobirthing is great as it focuses a lot more on you and how you are feeling

• Attend local pregnancy yoga or pilates classes - often they have some time for sharing amongst the class which can really help you feel connected and heard

• Attend local pregnancy relaxation classes - like the above but less physical effort - yey

• Plan a series of pregnancy dates with your birth partner or a friend - get some lovely activities in before you meet your baby as part of celebrating your move to parenthood

• Have a mother blessing to really celebrate your journey to parenthood

I hope that in reading this you feel less alone. 

If you'd like to get in touch about my courses just click on the chat button or check out more on my socials.